Why am I a foster parent?

It’s predictable. When someone learns that I’m a foster mom, they’re likely to respond with, “Oh, I don’t know if I could do that. I’d grow too attached to them and it would hurt too much to let them go.”

I confess that I didn’t know what to think the first time I heard someone say this to me. I wasn’t sure what they meant. Not wanting to put anyone on the spot, I didn’t ask. I can tell you how it felt though. I felt like they thought I was just heart-less enough to be able to do what they were so sure they could not.

Recently a friend offered a different perspective. She suggested that perhaps these comments were meant as a compliment. Possibly. I’m just not comfortable with that notion either.

Let me be very clear. I am not a superwoman. I am not brave. I am not amazing. I am not strong. I am not heart-less. I am not cold. I am not doing this to earn a place in heaven. And I am not a foster parent because it is a lucrative role. (If you’re a foster parent reading this, you’re laughing now, aren’t you??)

I am a woman who is full of heart and passion for my children. I am a woman who lives and walks by faith in Jesus. This truth matters and points to why the pain of fostering isn’t too high of a price to pay.

I am a follower of the Triune God. I am a sinner saved by God’s Grace through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, who lived a sinless life (fully God and fully man), spilled out His blood to pay for my sins, died on a cross (the Spotless Lamb), and rose again on the third day to defeat eternal death. Because I have, through my confession and repentance of my sins, received His payment for my sins (His free gift of Salvation) this means that in spite of my past I can live with Him eternally in Heaven!!

This Truth, this Gospel of Jesus, is why I so willingly obey His call upon my life. No act of service on my part can earn me a place in Heaven. I don’t serve as a foster mom in order to hedge my bets that I’ll be good enough to escape the eternal consequences of sin, Only my righteousness through Jesus can do this!

I serve because I truly desire to obey His call upon my life. After all, HE created me. HE saved me from eternity in hell. JESUS paid the ultimate price. What right do I have to deny HIS call upon my life?

So, I am a foster mom by His calling and I love each and every child GOD gives me through the hands of the State case workers. I love them not as if they are my own, but because they are my own for as long as GOD says.

Love my children who come to me through foster care too much? Hardly.

Sure, this kind of deep love costs us when these precious children leave our care. And dealing with the state’s inadequate practices heightens the pain. In fact, it’s taken me a while to not resent stupid judges and incompetent state case workers. (Okay, I may not be completely free of the resentment, but I’m closer to this notion than ever before.)

The bottom line is that IFI trust in GOD’s sovereignty (and I do), then I must also trust that in spite of some incompetent state workers, GOD rules and reigns over my home and the children entrusted to me.

When a child leaves our home, we weep with a pain that seems too strong to bear. But in the midst of the pain, I must choose to GOD completely.

When a child leaves our home, I release them unwillingly into circumstances that I would never choose for them.

When, by State mandate, my time in their life comes to an end or has been altered, then I, who sit at the feet of my King daily, return to His feet and weep, along with my forever-sons’ hands held tightly in mine.

I choose to trust Jesus. I choose to trust that the seeds of love, Truth, and peace that I have planted within the memories of my now absent-child will one day spring forth and bear good fruit.

I live daily with the truth that any day might be my last day with one or more of my children. THAT notion alone brings me to my knees often. So while I’m down there, it is a good time to pray a prayer of dedication again for each of my children at home and away from our home.

My role isn’t called Babysitting, it is called foster Parenting. Each of my children (my forever children and the children whom I foster) must be loved with the deep love that a mommy has to give. They need to know they are loved deeply and unconditionally.

(By the way, if you’d like to know how I help my forever children deal with the loss, read my new post filed under January, 2009 entitled “Training our hearts to seek His comfort.”)

So the next time it crosses your mind that you couldn’t be a foster parent out of fear that you’d hurt too much, please reconsider. If you’re not called to be a foster parent, that’s one thing. Obey GOD and do what He’s called you to do.

On the other hand, if you feel compelled to check into being a foster parent, I encourage you not to allow the fear of loss to rob you of the joy you gain by being obedient to the call. Surrender and see what GOD can and will do abundantly through your hands and feet by His power.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress

My son’s birthday and a new acquaintance.

Today my baby turned 7 years old. I still remember the first time I saw his face. The case worker brought this tiny newborn into my living room and I audibly gasped! What a sweet and handsome face. His blond-blond hair, bright blue eyes, and round cheeks were familiar to me. I know this sounds unbelievable, but as soon as I saw him, I said, “I know you! I’ve seen your face before.” Indeed, I had seen his face in a dream ever so long before he was born. I won’t go into too many details because you’d REALLY think I was silly if you knew. Suffice it to say, in my mind and in my heart, I already knew him.

I didn’t think that he’d get to be my forever son though. Yet big brother Josiahknew. He said from the beginning that he was praying, “Dat GOD would let da beebe say fo-evah.” Indeed, GOD’s affirmative answer was such a blessing to this PeaPodFamily.

Tonight, Peter chose the place for supper: Sweet Tomatoes. While in line, we met the nicest woman who was planning to dine alone. At GOD’s prompting, I invited her to sit with us.

Turns out that Mrs. D is the same age as my dad. The boys, a bit hesitant to have a stranger at the table, warmed up nicely and shared with her the details of their interests in archery, hunting, and fishing. We miss having family around. Even though the boys haven’t ever had extended family in the same town as they live, they miss the notion of family. I miss that they aren’t gaining an appreciation for others at our table. So, Mrs. D’s willingness to join us was a nice gift to us today.

Mrs. D, if you’ve found your way to this website (I know, technology is a crazy thing!), I want to thank you for the gift you were to my family this evening. Even though you felt tears spring to you eyes when I invited you to join us, I want you to know that I felt the same way when you accepted. THANK YOU!

I’ll repeat here the blessing with which we parted:

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.
Numbers 6:25-27

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress

A collision as I gazed into the future.

For the past four years, I’ve been momma to three, four, or five children. Last night, I spent the night alone in my big home.

The girls I’ve been fostering left us permanently on Thursday to go live with their mom. Then, last night my sons were invited to camp out in their friends’ big backyard with lots of room to roam and explore. They had such a good time driving a go-cart with a trailer hitched and filled with kids, making treasure maps, burning sticks in the campfire . . . stuff they’d do with cousins, if they had any.

When they asked if they could camp out, my heart wanted to say NO! But they’re growing up and it is good to let them have these times of stretching their wings and building the kind of boyhood memories that springs forth from wholesome play.

Oh! I totally missed all my children even though most days for the past 10 years have been filled with crazy turmoil and repeated training. (Didn’t we JUST discuss how it isn’t okay to run in the house?) However, there has always been a sweet reward at the end of such a day when I sneak into their room to check on each one and see a peaceful face with a slight smile and I’d know: All is well.

Last night I missed doing the end-of-the-day face check. ** Sigh! **

Am I nuts? At some point not too long ago when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed with the duties of single-parenting four young children, I distinctly remember begging God for a time when my brain could just relax and listen to Him. Yep, I’m nuts. I get what I ask for and I don’t like it.

It’s just that this spending the night idea came up so quickly. I didn’t have time to plan for quiet time with my King. Even if I had a plan, I was so wiped out from an all-day zoo outing that my eyes were weary.

How did I spend my night alone? I just folded clothes and went to bed.

As I drifted off to sleep, I began to gaze into the future to a day when my boys will leave the nest.

Life’s been pretty busy with four children all clamoring for my attention (often all at once). Yet, to go from four children to zero (if even briefly) in less than 3 days was a bit of a whiplash for me. With wee ones to tend, there are diapers to change and potty chairs to clean. When they are a bit older the need to monitor the proper use of eating utensils is apparently still necessary and beyond that are sports to practice and questions to answer. There isn’t much room for thinking about an empty nest.

Last night, for the first time in over 10 years, I had brain space to spare. (Please, no wisecracks about my brain space!) I didn’t like thinking about a time in the not-too-distant future when the empty nest will be for longer than a night.

I love being a momma. I love loving them, teaching them, training them, and playing with them. I know a day will come, should Jesus tarry, when my children will grow up, move out, and start families of their own. This is as it should be.

Somehow, these thoughts magnified an ever-present hope that is admittedly waning. I always hoped that God was preparing us for a man of His choosing who would love my children as his very own and that we would raise them together. I always imagined that I would launch my children into their adulthood standing next to my husband / their daddy, with whom I’d continue to serve Jesus and grow old.

Last night a long-held, still-unmet desire collided head-on with the reality that my sons, all too quickly, will pass from boyhood into manhood.

I know that my GOD and King holds my future and the future of my children in His hands. I don’t want to worry about tomorrow. So these are the times when I am called to answer the question: Will I live as if I really believe that all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose? (Romans 8:28) OR, will I miss His blessings of full nests and empty nests because I’m focused on myself rather than on Him?

It took me a while to get there in my thoughts as I drifted off to sleep last night, but praise be to my King, His Word was an ever-present help to me. I am happy to report that I slept soundly. Furthermore, I am happy to report that when I collected my sons this morning, I didn’t cry or get all weird on them . . . oh, okay, I did smooch on them a bit, but overall, I was pretty cool about it and we had a good time of debriefing about all the fun and loss of sleep that they enjoyed!

Phew! These life hurdles seem to be getting a bit higher and bit more frequent. With God leading the way, may I finish this race well, with ALL its hurdles.

Hebrews 12:1-2 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress

A message from a friend . . .

With her permission, I am reprinting a note I received from a friend as she prayed for me and my family as we released our girls to their mom . . .[edits made are in brackets for the purpose of maintaining confidentiality for my children and those whom I foster.]

Debi ~ My dear friend,

On this eve of sending your precious little girls out of the safety of your nest to another’s, I am praying.

I am praying for your dear daughters, that – although they are changing hands from one mother to another – they will sense and know the consistency of the hands of their faithful, loving, ever-present Heavenly Father. He goes where you cannot.

But your love goes with them. You might never know the effects your love has had/will continue to have on their lives. You have given your love to them, and it will always remain in their hearts.

I am praying for you and your warrior boys as you face the casualties of the heart this transition brings. I am praying for you to be ministered to by the Gentle Spirit of the God whom you serve, that He will provide balm for your wounded hearts as you grieve and rejoice and let go… That He uses this time where the soil of your hearts is being plowed and turned this way and that, tender and fragile, moldable – to plant seeds, especially in your boys’ hearts – that will grow to more Christ-likeness and intimacy with Him. To see through His eyes and feel with His heart. To know His comfort in the deepest places.

What is the saying, that the fragrance of a rose is sweetest when its petals are crushed? (Or something like that.) This heart-crushing you experience (yet again) is somehow a pleasing aroma to the Father of the Fatherless. I know that you know that you represent Him on this earth, and Debi – you did well with these little ones (and how blessed that you got them both!) for the time that you had them. I know you know your own fallacies and shortcomings, and no – no one is perfect. But I have observed and witnessed and watched you with those girls, and as your friend and sister I say: You did well, Debi. What a merciful gift to these little girls that they got to be in your care, raised for a little while with you as their momma.

May your heart, Debi, be sheltered in His tender hands. As a mother bird spreads her wings over her little ones to protect and warm and keep secure, so His hands will surround your heart.

Psalm 17:8 “…hide me in the shadow of Your wings…”

His piercing, His suffering brought us into right relationship with Him. Your heart is pierced and you suffer (though for different reasons) because you have allowed yourself to love, to be poured out in sacrificial service to your King who called you to mother these orphans-for-a-time.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

We are a living sacrifice. Dying as we live. You, Debi, are being poured out for Him. [The girls’ birth mom] sees. [The girls’ new daddy] sees. [Fisher-son, J.T.] sees. [Archer-son, P.J. ] sees. Someday B.G. and [J.J.] will look back and hopefully, through the accounts told them, will see. Your friends have seen. I have seen. Even strangers have seen. And Abba sees. Your sacrifice pleases Him.

“Therefore, I urge you brothers. in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.” Romans 12:1

I said we are dying as we live. And yet – through Christ – we live as we die. In fact, somehow we come more alive in Him the more we die. You serve your King as you say goodbye to life with these precious girls. To live is Christ. And Christ died. So to live – to live for Him – is to die to ourselves.

“I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.” Philippians 3:10-11

(I speak to myself as I write these things. I need to ponder them more for myself and not be so afraid of the pain that is life . . .)

My heart aches with you, Debi. I pray God meets you as Your Heavenly Husband to share these deep burdens of the heart with you. That you may carry them with Him and sense His presence, His holding you up, sustaining you, wiping the tears from your cheeks, and that you may rest your head on His chest and hear His heartbeat as He says to you, Debi, “Good job, my child. You loved and trained these little girls well.”

“NOW TO HIM WHO IS ABLE TO DO IMMEASURABLY MORE THAN ALL WE ASK OR IMAGINE, ACCORDING TO HIS POWER THAT IS AT WORK WITHIN US. TO HIM BE GLORY IN THE CHURCH AND IN CHRIST JESUS THROUGHOUT ALL GENERATIONS, FOR EVER AND EVER! AMEN.” Ephesians 3:20-21

May your sacrificial love for [the daughters you’ve fostered] be used to bring them into right relationship with Him. His pain for our glory with Him. Your pain for His glory.

I love you, dear friend.

Camee

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress

We make our plans, but then life (lice?) intervenes: Part I

Yesterday I had small, quiet plans. Grind flour. Enjoy the aroma of healthy bread baking in my oven. Let the kids stay in their jammies all day. No school.

Yesterday was the girls’ last full day with us before leaving to go live with their biological mom for the first time in their lives.

Yesterday, in my mind’s eye, I’d pack their things little by little, sorting as I went along while the girls played in the backyard together with my sons who have been their brothers for almost 3 years. I’d take pictures of them laughing and I’d spend some time remembering how each of the girls came to us and what God had done in our lives while they’ve been with us. I planned this to be a time of quiet reflection as I soaked up the last hugs and kisses from my precious daughters Bethany (2) and Hadassah (1).

But today, that is not what happened. Instead, I spent the day addressing head lice.

Last week, while the girls were spending the weekend with their biological mom, I received a call from her telling me that wee Hadassah (21 months old) had a terrible case of head lice.

In over 10 years and 14 children, I’ve never, ever seen a case of lice. I didn’t know what to tell her to do.

The girls were due to come back to me early the following week for a last time with us and she assured me that she had thoroughly treated Hadassah and that Bethany didn’t have any signs. (I didn’t know enough to ask her if, for cautionary measures, she had gone ahead and treated Bethany anyway.)

So yesterday morning after breakfast, Bethany started itching furiously at the back of her head. I took her outside in the sunlight to see what I might see. I’d never seen a case of head lice before, but it wasn’t difficult to diagnose — tiny bugs were crawling all over her head.

Because bravery isn’t my strong suit, I burst into tears. This wasn’t the day I’d planned for our last day all together as a family of five.

Ms. G, Miss Lori, and Mrs. B came over and were great supports. (What dear, self-sacrificing friends!) Ms. G tended the wee ones while I and my sons bagged linens, clothing, stuffed animals, pillows, and comforters. Mrs. B went to the store and bought some lice treatment stuff. Miss Lori came over bearing an electronic comb that is designed to de-louse the head. The device survived one use on Bethany’s long hair. (If the girls were mine, I would have cut their hair into short bobs so we would have had less hair with which to contend. But it isn’t a freedom a foster mom gets to have.)

Today, instead of packing their clothes, I was bagging their stuff and our stuff into large, black garbage bags to take to the laundromat. And instead of one more night with us, I took them down to their biological mom’s in the afternoon so that I could get all their stuff on the way toward being de-loused.

Instead of watching them play and taking pictures of my daughters, I was focused on the laundry. Thankfully, my friends, my sons, and I did take time to gather round the girls to pray over them and then we dropped them off and headed straight to the laundromat.

Three and one-half hours later, we’d done a lot of laundry. We have more to do tomorrow and then the carpet cleaners are coming.

My boys and I don’t show any signs of the pesky critters, but I still treated us all last night anyway.

Well, we did have a nice breakfast together on Thursday. Our last one as a family of five.

B.G. and I sang, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus in the mornin’ Jesus in the noon-time. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus when the sun goes down.” Only she says: “Gee-see-shush” and it makes that song all the more special.

My sons weren’t sad. They know we’ll see the girls again, God willing. Their mom is very agreeable to us remaining in their lives. But I’m still sad. I know this is the end of a very special chapter; one I thoroughly enjoyed. I need some grieving time and then I know that God will usher me into a place of solace.

I suppose I won’t have much time over the next week to miss the girls (several b-day celebrations, including Peter’s and mine). But sometime next week, when they don’t come home, I suppose it will settle in that they are truly gone.

I had my plans for today, but God allowed something else.

Proverbs 16:9 says:
The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.

Romans 8:28 says:
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.”

These are generous promises. I don’t have any insight into why this happened. And I don’t need to. I had my plans, but the LORD directed our steps differently today. I love GOD and am called according to His purpose, so I rest in the promise that all things (even dealing with lice) work together for good.

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress

We make our plans, but then life (lice?) intervenes: Part II

Holocaust survivor Corrie ten Boom wrote a now-famous book entitled The Hiding Place. Some of the details are sketchy for me and I can’t find my copy of her book to verify the specific vermin she mentioned. It was either lice or fleas. But either way they were vermin!

Here’s a quick summary of what she wrote about one situation in the concentration camp . . .

When Corrie and her sister Betsy were taken to a concentration camp during WWII, they discovered that their barracks were infested with lice. Betsy declared that out of obedience to God’s Word they were to give thanks to God for these bugs. Although Corrie was reluctant, she did join her sister in lifting praises to God.

In her book, Ms. tenBoom describes that the women in that particular barracks enjoyed unusual freedom to read the Bible and pray with the other inmates, in spite of how others were treated by the Nazi guards. Somewhere along the way, Ms. tenBoom realized that they were able to have such open worship and reading of the Word because the guards didn’t want to be subject to an infestation themselves. What a blessing the vermin infestation was for those women. (I encourage you to read more of Corrie ten Boom’s account of her time in the concentration camp and her ultimate rescue. Her story is one of great praise to our King and Messiah and an encouragement to those who suffer for the Kingdom.)

So after I spent the day Thursday silently grumbling about all the laundry and the need to cancel other plans, our precious Heavenly Father led me to His Word.

At about 9 p.m., when my sons were about ready to crash into bed from exhaustion, I sought their forgiveness for missing the opportunity to shepherd them to obey God’s Word with a voice of praise even in the midst of lice. (You can imagine the boys were a bit confused about this. Obviously I haven’t done a good job teaching them this spiritual discipline, nor have I done a good job modeling it. ** sigh **)

Well, I righted the wrong, repented before my King, and then my sons and I bowed before the Throne of Grace to praise Him in the midst of all that’s been going on this week. I also counseled my sons to consider the passages that I’ve listed below.

I hope that if you are facing a particularly painful time in your life, you will consider the words of our Creator-King and find comfort in these timeless truths.

Isaiah 55:8-9
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways, My ways,” declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

Ephesians 5:20
Always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father.

I Thessalonians 5:18
In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:17
Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Hebrews 13:15
Through Him then, let us continually offer up a)sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.

AMEN!

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress

We make our plans, but then life (lice?) intervenes: Part III

Last night I prayed with my sons and thanked the Lord even in the midst of this infestation of lice and the loss of my daughters. I didn’t expect to see any practical blessing any time soon. It really was enough for me to simply obey God’s Word.

But today at the laundromat, I witnessed some incredible blessings.

I witnessed the transformation of my two young sons.

When did they turn a corner and become more responsible and diligent? Did I miss it because I was so busy focusing on two small girls who needed so much training?

Yesterday and today at the laundry, Josiah (10) was a machine as he helped load and unload the van; load and unload the washers and dryers; fold, count quarters, and so forth.

Peter (7) also worked hard. He needed a bit more prodding, but he was also more diligent than ever before.

Josiah asked what he could do to help, or simply did it without being told. He directed his younger brother with tasks he could accomplish.

To my surprise, Peter was taking big brother’s direction. It is true that many hands make light work!

While we waited for the laundry to dry, we worked on school work.

Peter was gobbling it up. He was on fire with his work and at one point I affirmed his school work and he declared, “I didn’t know I was doing school right now!” (Isn’t that when learning is most exciting ? When it feels like fun!)

Josiah practiced his penmanship (a grueling task for him), but he did so without complaint and all while keeping an eye on the dryer times.

At one point, one of the patrons (probably in his early 30’s) in the laundromat declared, as he watched my boys, that he wished his mom had taught him how to do the laundry because he was just now learning how to do it. I told the young man that I hoped my sons’ future wives would appreciate their husbands’ early years of training.

Later, another patron, just before she left, approached me with tears in her eyes and publicly praised my sons for their diligence and respect. Wow! She was actually almost openly weeping. I thanked her for her words of affirmation. After she left, one of my sons asked what their reward might be for having been recognized for their good behavior by a stranger. (** grin **)

My reply: “Treasures in Heaven, Son. Treasures in Heaven.” And I might have added, if I’d had the thought: “Your reward here, should our Savior tarry, is a wife who will honor you for the habit of hard work you do for your family.”

So there are blessings in having spent 2 days at the laundromat. I was able to see that my sons are growing and maturing. We pulled together, this small family of now three. And perhaps we were used by our LORD as a witness to one or more people of the beauty of obedience and training.

Mind you, a little later they were goofing off in the van and trying to smack each other in the head. I’m not living in a fantasy world. I know my boys will need more training (as do I!!) and sometimes it might even look like we’ve taken a step or two backwards. But after these past couple of days, I hope I’ll remember that even when I don’t notice, God is training my sons through my incapable hands and He is shaping their character through the refining fires He allows into our lives. Hallelujah!

Isaiah 54:13
All your sons will be taught by the Lord and great will be your children’s peace.

AMEN!

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress

Who am I to argue?

Recently my little girls have been spending half of the week at their biological mom’s home and half of the week with us. This process is one of the more difficult parts of foster parenting for many different reasons. This Friday, another difficult time will come. My girls, who have been my daughters for 31 and 21 months, leave my home to go live with their biological mom permanently. Oh, what a journey this has been.

About 18 months ago when our sweet Emmanuel left us, I was surrounded by friends who supported me and my sons in our deep grief. Their presence was so needed and deeply appreciated. Next week, as the girls leave us, their departure will not be such a desperate time. Yes, I’m certain we’ll cry (I’ve been crying already). After all, I’m releasing two young daughters with tender hearts and so much yet to learn, and my sons are releasing sisters who add such humor to our days. But over this past year of getting acquainted with their mom, I’ve come to realize that this is God’s plan. (It wouldn’t have been my plan, that’s for sure!)

The pain of releasing them will be mixed with some assurance that we will see them again. I am praying that I can have an ongoing role as a mentor-friend to their momma. She’s married now (first marriage for both) and I welcome any opportunity to teach her to be a keeper of her home and to disciple her in the ways of our LORD.

When preemie Hadassah (now 21 months old) arrived in my home, I became momma to 5 children. I love having my home full of children! In fact, I surely would have taken even more if the capacity in my van would have allowed. I’ve always dreamed of having 12 children!

Since embarking on this ministry adventure of foster care in 1999, I’ve been momma to 14 children, including one baby who came back to us a second time and one set of twins (so far). Praise God that by His grace He bestowed upon me the gift of two precious sons (both newborns when I received them) who are my forever sons.

From that time forward my home has been full of managed and not-so-managed chaos.

Middle of the night calls to receive a baby in crisis.

Sweet smells and not-so-sweet smells.

The welcomed calm after three babies (all under the age of 2) cry, scream, squeal, poop, or barf at the same time.

Potty training and barfing that yield loads and loads of laundry.

Crying alone and with others.

Training. Correcting. Homeschooling. Working late into the night to support us.

Moments of panic, question, doubt, fear, and surrender.

Through it all, prayers for help and wisdom are faithfully answered by my King in abundant portions. He leads and I do my best to follow.

I recently wrote to a friend: As a single woman, it might take me longer to get to where others might get with a logical, earthly husband at the helm, but if I believe in GOD’s sovereignty (and I do), then getting there is all a part of GOD’s loving guidance and grace.

Some say (or charge) that I am a single mom by choice. In so far as that means that I choose to follow God’s call upon my life, then I guess that is true. Apparently some roles are better accomplished as a single woman. Statistically speaking, men are more likely to reject the notion of parenting children in foster care.

This reminds me of a missionary to China named Gladys Aylward (1902-1970). She also experienced rejection. The China Inland Missions said she wasn’t smart enough to be a missionary. But GOD had plans for her to bring the Gospel to China so she sent herself. What a life she lived and OH! the souls saved for eternity by GOD through her surrender.

So surrender it is. Next week, I release my daughters from my home into their biological mom’s home. I await the opportunity to see whether something of an extended family relationship will blossom, one which might allow me to continue to have influence in their lives.

Last week their mom wrote me a beautiful note in which she thanked me for training them and then she wrote: I can’t wait to finally have my babies home . . . motherhood is great . . . I never realized how much I missed . . .

Wow. Who am I to argue with that?

You might be wondering what is next for me and my family. I do not know whether or not there are more babies coming our way. As always, that is in GOD’s hands.

In the meantime, I hope to take my sons to my Midwestern roots to see family they’ve never met and some who won’t be around very much longer. I have a dear elderly aunt who demonstrates her love for my children even though she hasn’t met them. I would love to bless her with the visit for which she has longed. She told me the other day that she keeps my sons’ pictures by her phone (and those of all my other children). How precious that is to me! It would take a work of the Lord for this to come to pass, but as I and my sons have seen over and over, NOTHING is impossible with GOD!

And lest this point was not made clearly enough, please do not regard me as strong. Those who know me well, know that I am weak. I’ve begged GOD for the strong covering of an earthly husband. I’ve buckled more than once under the pressure of walking this path alone. (I know I’m never truly alone because of Jesus, but you know what I mean, right?) I’ve grieved the uncertainty of being a foster parent and cried over the uncelebrated arrival of these precious children in foster care.

These are the times when my Savior turns my mind to consider how He was born into lowly circumstances and His birth was uncelebrated by the world. He reminds me that I am raising HIS children and that these precious lambs are celebrated in ways I cannot see. He reminds me that my weakness glorifies His strength.

I am grateful for these words in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (I’ve personalized this passage with the words that are in parentheses):

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelation, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh (singleness), a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself (or an earthly husband)! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times (actually, way more than that) that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, (with singleness) for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Indeed, who am I to argue with that?

Copyright © 2010 Deborah Rice, PeaPodFamilyPress